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  • Writer's pictureBrande Victorian

Niggas Get Curved Everyday B...You'll Be Alright

After my last piece of curvature, I felt it only right to even the scales a bit, lest you think I just walk around curving niggas on my block all day and then writing articles about being over being single. Though just to be clear those realities can co-exist -- every option isn't a good option.

I was also inspired by the fact that after 'ol boy put me in my place via text, so to speak, he went back to my co-worker to gloat about me "getting what I deserve" because I treated him like he was just some 'round the way dude and a real woman can see when a man is seriously interested in her. Editors Note: A "real" woman (I don't know what other kind there is) is under no obligation to give a fuck if a man is interested in her or not.

And the same is true for men, as I've found out over, and over, and over again. In fact, one of those bored niggas I told y'all about before got me just a few months ago. And like 'ol boy, I played myself -- well, kinda.

See, this guy had already played me to the left once a couple of years ago. It was one of those we-were-supposed-to hang-out-but-never-did situations that I charged to the He's Just Not That Into You game and kept it moving. But a year or so later he came sniffing around again, sliding me snapchats and regular texts. I brought up his shady move from the past as if you say 1) nigga you ain't slick and 2) if you plan on doing that shit again, let's just not waste each other's time, but he had an explanation and I was still intrigued so I engaged him.

And after a few weeks I began to notice familiar patterns: "I was in your neighborhood" types of texts, "when we do x,y,z" types of messages with no real plan of execution. I was over it, but also haunted by men of my past who at one point or another always said something to me along the lines of never believing or being sure I was actually into them. So being the grown ass "I know I been changed" woman that I am, I decided to do things different this time and risk it all.

After another one of those "I was in your neighborhood but didn't tell you because I obviously don't like you" texts, I hit him with an "FYI, I do actually like you and want to get to know you" message. I added the caveat, "I'm not sure if the feeling is mutual, but I have a history of not being forthcoming about my interest so I just wanted to put that out there in case it was."

You know what this nigga said back to me?

Not a damn thing. Not a "That's nice." Not a "Sorry, I don't like you like that." Not even a "Fuck you." He read my texts, rolled his eyes, said "no thanks," and went to bed. At least that's how it went down in my head.

You know what I did next?

Not a damn thing (except stop watching his snaps). Because, why?

Here's the thing. When someone you really don't know curves you, you essentially re-curve yourself when you act a damn fool afterward. Like you legitimately give the other party a reason to be glad they ghosted your ass. I have too much ego for that. I had too much ego for that at 25, thanks to an unfortunate curving in college when I didn't know continuing to bring up the fact that someone doesn't want you isn't the cool thing to do. Consider that lesson now well learned.

Now I'm not going to act like I don't get in my feelings when these things happen, but I'll be damned if I let the person who curved me know that. I rarely even tell my friends -- though shout out to my step-sister who responds to every single "Niggas ain't shit/I'm done with niggas/I hate niggas" text I send her when shit doesn't go my way. I'm only even telling y'all about these instances because I believe in transparency. And I don't want y'all out here spazzing out like the man in question.

See, there's no way to prevent getting curved; it literally happens to every single person interested in having interpersonal relationships of any variety. But you can stop yourself from getting so far in your feelings you embarrass the fuck out of yourself, and the best way to do that is to maintain perspective.

I've come to the conclusion the reason original 'ol boy was so tight about my ghosting him is because he'd built up some kind of fantasy future in his mind without paying attention to the reality of the situation. Unbeknownst to me, he had googled me and come to the conclusion that I have a lot going on and "seem like a lot of woman to handle." Judging by his continued persistence, I can only assume he liked what he saw -- and must be the type of character who enjoys a challenge -- but I didn't have that same luxury of imagining what really getting to know the person I already feel like I know thanks to the Internet would be like.

You can't get ahead of yourself when you first meet someone. You can't read into every interaction as a sign of mutual interest because that's what you want it to be. You can't start imaging your wedding day before you even have your first date. That's how your feelings get hurt prematurely and you end up going off on someone for not liking you when it's really not that deep.

You also have to bear in mind that ghosting and curving are just how this relationship shit goes. I used to take every incident of unrequited interest completely personal until I really understood there are a multitude of reasons things don't work out between people that are in no way a reflection of who you are, specifically something being wrong with who you are. That's also a lesson that, unfortunately, comes when you start curving people yourself and you realize your reasons aren't always about not being attracted to or interested in the other person, you're just not the right fit or it just isn't the right time,

So embrace the curve. It's inevitable, and nine times out of ten you end up being grateful things didn't work out with that person you just knew was so perfect for you. You can thank Jesus for that one. #Blessed

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